shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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