That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
