Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
