Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
