Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
