So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize