i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you didnt know i had herpes?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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