I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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