Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
