just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
