I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
