it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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