I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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