i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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