I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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