Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
