I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize