everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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