Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
