I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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