My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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