Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
