I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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