I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
