That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
