Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
