my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
