I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
