I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
