So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
