FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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