So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
