tell your sister to shave her snatch
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
