tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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