Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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