There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
