Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i dont even know how to be here
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you never un-have a 4some
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
