Can i not drive my cunt home
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize