you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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