Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
