He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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