Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i came on her dog
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
