only you would photoshop your dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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