By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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