If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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