Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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