Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
