Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
