Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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