would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
