y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
