So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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