Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
