it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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