I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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