here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
