it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
