guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
