Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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