He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i permit you to call me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
