My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
