You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
