Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
