Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me I should be a condom model.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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